Day 3 or as I like to call it, "Think of your love circle."

I've gotten a lot of supportive messages from friends and family the last few days. People getting back with me about the initial facebook message I sent out. I thought I'd share some of my favorite advice - - but this is only a little bit of it. (I keep it all in a word document appropriately called, "Divorce Sucks Ass."):

Better to leave now and find urself and someone who wants to b a part of you life and love you fully.

You are doing the right thing, and eventually it will all make sense.

...try staying in the moment, if you start thinking to far ahead you could go insane. One day at a time, minute at a time, whatever works.....

...remember that you are awesome and beautiful. Try to keep shining babe!

I know you are afraid of bugs in the basement, but hire a bug man to spray once a year, find yourself a house (with a basement for the drums and somewhere safe for tornadoes) that you and Erik and the man who is lucky enough to find you next... to live in and grow old.

...don't beat yourself up over that, and yes, you'll have a lot of bitterness, but that too will subside with time. After 15 years, I only have a teensy weensy bit o' bitterness in my soul...

Picture yourself in a middle of a circle and see all the faces that love you around you... Jim might be in that circle he just can't love you the way you want a husband to love you, but all the same...you have love. Life is hard, but we are connected. Don't forget that.

I've had a lot of folks get back with me on Facebook and keep checking up on me and I really appreciate that. My mom took me out shopping yesterday and bought me "feminine" things for my house to help me adjust. My friend Lynne came over today and hung around for hours, keeping me company and we laughed and had a really good visit. My dad came over which cheered Erik up a lot and then my brother and his wife came over and stayed for awhile and again, I was laughing and having a good time catching up.

So it is getting a little easier. I think the hardest part for me is going to sleep and waking up. I go to sleep in our bed alone and wake up alone and waves of sadness come over me. But I only cried once today and I laughed a LOT.

I've been talking to Jim a lot on the phone. Trying to get things settled. I heard back from one of the three lawyers I contacted. She charges $235/hr with a $2500 retainer and no free consult. Ugh. She also has a one-month wait list! So I'm waiting to hear back from the other two before I decide on one. I AM going through with this divorce though. Jim and I have had some heart to hearts *gag* on the phone lately. Turns out if his girlfriend hadn't dumped him on Christmas, he would still be seeing her. So it's little things like that, that keep me angry and keep me going.

Sooo... I think I'm starting to get past the sadness part and get on with the madness part.

Oh and I got in touch with an old boyfriend that a friend of mine saw on Match.com. Why the heck not? And while I was texting him, Jim called. And Lynne and I high-fived each other that my douchebag ex called while I was texting an old flame. HA!

Next step: Nailing down a lawyer and Jim picking up the rest of his things.