Never text 7 people at a time.

I thought this was getting easier but actually, I've gone a little downhill lately. It may be because my ex (who will now be known as "Douche") has had my son for the past three days and I'm very lonely in the house. It may also be because I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT DOUCHE. WHY CAN'T I STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM FOR FIVE MINUTES???? I JUST WANT MY BRAIN TO GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now. That being said, I haven't cried. I've been on the verge, but no actual tears. Just major depression, sad sack crap.

Started back to work today. I'm a teacher so we had a "work in your room" day today without students. They return tomorrow. Man. Talk about a downer - jeesh. Okay, here's the deal with me and work. Douche is a fireman. His schedule is 24 hrs on, 48 hrs off. And he had no second job (unless you count playing Xbox or sexting girlfriends). So when I would work, I would always be so happy on his days off because I knew he would be there waiting for me. On his work days, I would go pick up my son from school and we'd go home and have a quiet night since my son can't really say anything other than "CAR! PA PA! TY! ENN!"

When Douche and I were talking the other day he said going to work is the only thing that's normal for him now and he looks forward to it. For me, it's just the opposite because I have nothing to go home to afterward.

So, and I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, I'm going to start a 2-day a week Zumba class after work starting tomorrow. I'm also trying to stay as busy as I can with friends and family.

For example, and this is kind of funny, I was so bummed out at work today (at one point I just sat there at my desk with my head in my hands for like... five minutes). And my phone hadn't rang once, no texts or anything - - not like people can usually call me or anything while I'm at work so I'm not blaming them. SO, I got the bright idea to send a text out that read "Really feeling down today. Could use some words of encouragement" ----to seven friends and family members. While I did get lots of encouraging words, it also ground my work to a halt for about 30 minutes as I fielded calls. Guess I shouldn't have sent it to so many people.

THANK GOD for my mom, by the way. She agreed to meet me at noon for lunch AND came to my classroom to help me sort out my library - and THEN she took me out shopping and got me some awesome pretty pillows for my bed.

I must say, even though I feel like absolute crap, I am very lucky to have so many supportive friends and family. Thanks to those of you that are reading this depressing ass blog. I guess it's true what they say. It gets worse before it gets better...

By the way - - I'm starting to get a little angrier lately. That's probably a good thing, right?